Archive for May, 2009

So I made it safely back from the beach…yay….and I come home to a BADASS virus that I assume I picked up from the beach…great.  My first thought (because I’m kinda maybe a little bit of a hypochondriac) is OMG it’s the fricken SWINE FLU!!! Damn Lysol – kills 99.9% of germs my tail!  Yeah so I’m going on and on in complete hysteria sitting in the doctor’s office waiting room – updating my will – and finally they call me back.   Anyway, so there’s this nurse and she’s old, and very obviously not satisfied with the particular profession that she chose and she’s taking my temp, blood pressure, records my weight and all that fun stuff and she’s all like “So you wrote down flu-like symptoms…what makes you think you have the flu?” Seriously? Well lets see my throat is on FIRE, my ears are about to implode from all the pressure, my body aches EVERYWHERE and I mean, places I didn’t even know I had are aching, I’m coughing, I’m sneezing, I’m freezing like an Ethiopian in Antarctica one minute and the next I’m threatening to loose the shirt if someone doesn’t point a fan in my direction ASAP.  Hmm…did I mention that I feel like COMPLETE AND UTTER DOG POO??? YEAH so THAT is why I think I have the flu….Of course I didn’t say that, I just thought it…although it was one of those things that I thought about like an hour later and wished I could go back and say but then it wouldn’t make any sense and I would just look like a complete ass anyway…yeah, one of those times.  Instead I just said “Because I’m feeling flu like symptoms..” accompanied by that DUH look that I pasted all over my face obvious enough for a blind person to see.  And would you believe that woman sucked her teeth at me?!?! *GASP* So I retorted with “I’m sooo writing that on my follow up satisfaction survey.” crossed my arms and waited for the doctor.

I can’t be sure how long I was in that room, although on the survey I put like 30 minutes which in all actuality could have been true, but I wouldn’t know because I fell asleep.  And it was a DEEP SLEEP.  The OMG I just drooled on myself and I really hope the doctor doesn’t notice kind of sleep.  So when the door opened I sat up so quickly that I looked like a jack-in-the-box on crack…and for some reason that remains a mystery to me screeched “HI!” like I’d been doing something wrong. *sigh* Someone save me from myself….

So the doctor proceeds to present not one but TWO GIANT Q-tips…and I’m thinking…those better be for cleaning the sink cause those things are not coming near me.  Well they were not for cleaning the sink and I was way wrong about them not coming near me, no Giant Q-tip #1 was for my throat or should I say the bottom of my esophagus – which wasn’t so bad – however when Giant Q-tip #2 came around I start wondering …where else can a giant Q-tip like that go?? Turns out it’s the nose…if I’m lying I’m dying… they stuck a 7 inch Q-tip into my brain practically and LET IT SIT (yeah).  And I thought child birth was unbearable….I will have 3 kids before I will ever have another flu test.  I think I’d rather die from the flu than EVER do that again.  Also…I can’t be sure but I’m thinking I saw some brain matter on the end of that thing….and I’m really forgetful lately so it must have been the part where you remember stuff that they collected.  ANYWAY –

So I wait patiently for my test results while updating my myspace status to reflect my time of death from the brain dissection and that oh-so-chipper nurse pops back in…”It ain’t the flu” she squawked right before she waddled out of the room to leave space for the doctor to walk in with the diagnoses “ViraPhenyngitus”…. Like what? Yep, basically a really badass virus that he seems to think I picked up on my trip.  So let’s recap….I took off work, paid my $20 co-pay, got talked down to by a nurse twice my age and seemingly post-sex change (at least that is the drift I got from the amount of testosterone she was putting off with all that unnecessary aggression), had my brain and throat violated by giant Q-tips all to find out the very same fricken thing I knew when I walked in the door…that I felt like crap (although to be fair I was not actually dying of the swine flu)..but at least I updated my will…See? Again, there is a silver lining to every dark swine flu cloud.

So I pick up the Peanut from daycare to go home, and cover my mouth with my jacket sleeve (which is fleece and coincidentally acts as a great insultator) because it’s nap time and I want to be quiet as well as not spread my phyen-whatcha-call-it germs and I quietly say a muffled “I have viral phyengitius..” Which apparently sounds like Menengitis ” So we’ll be out for a few days” and I leave.  ALRIGHT, well turns out the director thought I said MENENGITIS which by the way is extremely deadly and contagious so they basically run through a complete biohazard drill in our absence and alert all parents that their children have possibly been exposed to Viral Menengitis…oops.  BUT in my defense… Menegitis is only detectable via a spinal tap…so it’s their own fault for thinking that ANY doctor with common sense who had just given me a spinal tap and diagnosed me with a semi-deadly virus would allow me to PICK UP MY ONE YEAR OLD SON rather than admitting me to the nearest hospital…idiots….anyway.

So two days in bed, Peanut stays with the Grands (my grandparents) and I’m feeling well enough to go back to work.  So we show up bright and early at daycare to be met with looks of SHEER TERROR! The director is FRREEAAKKKIINNGG out nearly pushing us out the door “WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE!?!” And I’m like omg…I’m not contagious anymore stop freaking out…but really I said “What do you mean? Christopher isn’t sick and I’m over the worst of it?” and she is just standing there all sideways looking with her eyes like 10 seconds from popping out of her head and she’s like “What?!” so I say “It’s not big deal, the doc says I’ll be over it by Friday…I doubt I’m even contagious right now…” and she’s all “Shouldn’t you be in a hospital? I mean Menengitis is deadly?” and I’m like “WHAT? I dont’ have menengitis I have phynengitis.” – which I think is probably like a harmless twice removed cousin of Menengitis….I mean…probably…

Yeah, so we’re now safely back in daycare, Peanut does not have to wear a bubble to daycare thank goodness and all is semi-well in my world again.  Moral of the story…vacations subject you to swine flu….

End thought: Perhaps doctors should consider NOT naming the harmless twice removed cousin virus the same thing as the deadly extrememly contagious spine virus…just a thought.


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Headaches…no I’m sorry migraines have been plaguing me for 2 weeks now..every single day; and not just your typical ‘Man that sucks’ migraine no I’m talking bloodshot eyes, skull cracking pain, and nausea I’d trade for morning sickness any day.  So after toughing it out for 2 weeks I decide it’s time to see the doc.  Sitting there with my Peanut in tow (because  my doc is an hour away from where I work and with a migraine I was not driving all the way back to pick up the Peanut from daycare after seeing the doc) I wonder what matter of intellectual medical science he was going to throw at me to diagnose my pain.  He checks my temp, my blood pressure, my reflexes (what?) and gives me a quick breast cancer check – because it runs RAMPED in my family or he just wants to feel my breasts either way it’s incredibly awkward- all the while my Peanut screams at the top of his lungs at this stranger touching his Mommy from his stroller.  Ahh my little bodyguard.

So in the midst of the questions, the screaming, the way too bright light (I mean wtf? Are those like 10,000 watt bulbs or something?!) and the disgusting smell of antiseptic he says “Well, either it’s stress or your pregnant.” HOLY FREAKIN COW ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? I think to myself well if it is stress I’m definitely going to die right here and now after that comment.  Not that I’m not on the pill but after having one…there is no manner of protection that will give you that SAFE feeling (don’t look at me like that you know what I’m talking about).  So of course I’m like  TEST ME and TEST ME NOW!  Well I’m not pregnant (Thank you God Thank you God Thank you GOD!) Not that I don’t love my Peanut with all my heart and my J is and would be a wonderful father, I’m just SOOOO not ready for even THINKING about that step in our lives…Anyway..

Alright, so it’s stress.  He says “Maybe you should get out more, do some things without the baby.” Riiggghhttt…because it’s just that easy. So I huff and puff and beg for any kind of pill he could give me that could work magic and make it all better.  Of course there wasn’t one and he was looking at me all sideways like I was a drug seeker or something..whatever. *insert eye rolling* His prescription?  Pawn my kid of on a babysitter and ‘get out of the house’ or ‘find a hobby’.  You know..with doctors out there prescribing this kind of treatment it’s no wonder to me that we have Casey Anthonys in the world (UGH) don’t get me started….why is it that everyone is encouraging me to NOT be a Mom??

There I was, told by my medical professional that the stress of being a single parent (the greatest accomplishment in my life by the way) was making  me physically ill. How do you combat that?  Was I that big of failure as a parent that i needed to vacation from my son?  The idea made me even sicker…so I just sat down on the floor and cried.  Then out of nowhere in the middle of playing with his trucks…the Peanut stood up walked over to me and hugged me.  It was long hug, the kind where he just wrapped his little arms around me, rested his head on my shoulder and patted me with his tiny little fingers… and for a minute nothing else in the word mattered.  It didn’t matter that I was overwhelmed at work, that my boss could be an arrogant jerk, it didn’t matter that my family was in turmoil or that my Mom was never there when I needed her….all that mattered was that moment when my son in his only 1 year of life was able to educate me more than my 80 year old doctor.  All I needed was my Peanut.  It was then that I decided I didn’t need a vacation, we needed a vacation.  So I loaded up the car and headed to the beach.

Beach May 09 049The Peanut (being the little light of my life that he is) slept the entire way, which gave Mommy some much needed reflection time.  I call it interstate therapy…the music going the sun shining down, nothing but road ahead of me.  I had time to get my mind straight, to distinguish between what I wanted to do in life and what I needed to do in life.  I realized that sometimes you just have to let the little things go.  Like I may not get the living room cleaned up before bed like I want, sometimes work is going to have to wait, and when it comes to family troubles you just have to pray and give those troubles to God – ultimately you have to learn to just let go…so that I can spend some much needed quality time with my Peanut.  I learned a lot during ‘therapy’ this weekend but what I learned most of all is while my house may not be spotless, my work may fall behind and I may not always have my Mom to turn to – I will always have my Peanut and that is what matters most of all.

End thought:  “The moment that a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” -Rajneesh

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Although it may appear I have nothing better to do than blog, that is not the case. I would just prefer to blog than do what else needs to be done, plus something repeat worthy happened so I’m obligated :). Am I a slacker? No, it’s called selectively multitasking…although I’m sure my boss would beg to differ.

Anyway..so my big sister/BFF (oh yes I said BFF) works for the County where we live (what were they thinking- jk she is awesome and works really hard and is a strong and professional person that deserves a BIG HUGE raise..) ok so she is a class that teaches them…well I don’t know what it teaches them but they have to go to these like once a quarter…so she’s there with a fellow co-worker that we will call Diane – because that’s her name duh – and she texts me…
“Do you see the purple elephant?” obviously she has cabin fever..it’s been a while since she had to sit in a classroom for 8 hours.

I reply “Wtf..are you high?” not that I actually thought she was high, but it was kind of one of those things where you’re like Ok, did you stand too close to a paint can or something?

“DO YOU SEE THE PURPLE ELEPHANT??” *sigh*Of course I don’t see the elephant…how can we possibly see him at the same time…I’m an hour away.

“No, no purple elephant here but thanks for asking.” *going about my business*

“I don’t either…he must have run off with the bunny…” Right, because that is the only logical place that the purple elephant could have gone. At this point, it was too late in the day not to play along.

So I reply…“No crazy ass the bunny is right here, that damn elephant must have taken the van and hit the border…tricky bastard” At this point I was pretty pleased with myself, generating that reply in record time. So I sat smugly in my chair waiting for a reply…

No reply…hmm…so I start thinking..wait..was purple elephant code for something else? Was I supposed to have found the purple elephant? Where the hell did the bunny go?

A few minutes later I get… “I just started breathing again 🙂 I thought the teacher was going to kick me and Diane out of class..damn that elephant”

This is how I spend my afternoons with my family – chasing mythical colored creatures via SMS…I truly love my life. 🙂us

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So just in time for me to write him off completely and post my Deadbeat Dad blog, The Jerk is back on the Daddy wagon.  You know the saying “He fell off the wagon again..”, well in my case The Jerk stays off the wagon or should I say has stayed off the wagon for at least the last 9 months.  But just in time for Mother’s Day weekend he’s back on in full force ready to be #1 Daddy again.  Keep in mind my son – that’s right MY son – hasn’t seen his “father” in 9 months. The last time he did see him all of those winter months ago it was in August 2008, at a truck stop, for 4 minutes, when he was 3 months old.  The time before that it was the day before he walked out and abandoned my child. Do you think Peanut remembers him? I’m thinking-  not so much.

UGH! Technically his supervised visitation is Saturdays from 10am to 1pm..yep you heard right every Saturday because the judge is a jackass totally fair to all parties involved 🙂 Anyway, so to date I haven’t heard a word from him about visitation, no call, no show, no problem.  Like I said before I got this…Peanut’s first birthday came and went without a hitch…kind of..but just in time for Mother’s Day he pops up with a phone call from a number I don’t even recognize ready to see “his boy”.  Excuse me? Would this be the same boy that you walked out on and never looked back to!?! *deep breath* So he gets visitation and acts like Super Dad the whole time..whatever.

Look I’m not saying that father’s shouldn’t be praised for attempting to have a place in their child’s life, but if you knew him like I know him you would realize that it’s just a ploy.  His truck stop hooker and her two kids are no longer appealing to him (hm, sounds familiar..I’m sensing a pattern love ’em – beat ’em and leave ’em) so he’s trying to make her mad by visiting my son.  Is there a lower form of human being on this earth?? I think not.  Imagine..using my child as a pawn in his stupid game…I’m flippin LIVID.  Now he thinks he can violate the court protection order any time he feels like it to call and check on Peanut.  Thank you court system for screwing me over putting me in this position.

I guess the reason I’m really upset about this, is my Peanut.  How do I explain it when his father up and decides to walk again.  When he finds something ‘better and more interesting’ than being a Daddy, just like he did last time.  He left my son for life on the road driving trucks and a dime store lock lizard (Def: truck stop prostitute), and now that that has lost it’s luster – as if there were really any there to begin with – he wants to be a Daddy again.  How do I explain that to a my little boy?  How do I give a decent reason that his “father” thinks he has better things to do than be his Dad?  What will I do when that day comes?  Here I was thinking Deadbeat Dads were the lowest of the low..only to be corrected by The Jerk who jumped back on the daddy wagon.  Today I’m like I’d rather him be a Deadbeat Dad that’s gone rather than a halfway Dad who shows up whenever it’s convenient…

Well that’s it, it’s not inspirational or interesting in any way.  But I’ve got a megaphone and I needed to vent so that’s what I did.

End thought: “Those who fall off the Daddy wagon should fall under the wheel of it”…ok that was mean..but I’m really mad so I’m leaving it.

Should Deadbeat Dads be given a second chance after an extended period of time with no contact?(blog polls)

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I probably shouldn’t, in fact I know I shouldn’t…it’s too controversial and it’s a tough subject all around….but like that has ever stopped me before..yep I’m going to anyway. I have to get this off my heart….

What is a Deadbeat Dad?

According to Wikipedia a Deadbeat Dad (or parent I should say) is defined as ‘an unrestricted parent treated equally who voluntarily chooses not to be a regular or supportive parent in his or her child or children’s life or lives.’ That definition in itself makes it easy enough to want to point a finger…I’m sure right now you’re thinking of the deadbeat parents that you know. I know because I do it every single time I hear the term. My mind shoots straight to every man I’ve ever known that has left their children/child emotionally, financially and physically; particularly Peanut’s “father”. A lot of these Deadbeat Dads have adopted nicknames like “sperm doner” and “walkaway Joe”, not to mention many colorful curse words that I’d rather not mention here. In my particular case he is simply known as “The Jerk”. The term “Deadbeat Dad” itself, however, is believed to have originated from the Child Support Agencies (not kidding look it up) . This term was used to label those who neglected to pay their child support for whatever reason and as a result became in arrears. But to me, a deadbeat dad goes way beyond missing child support payments.

Right when Peanut’s father left I said to myself, he doesn’t need him. All he needs is me – I can be both parents for him – he is better off without him – all the things that I needed to hear to justify the tragedy that had just taken place, that my son’s father had abandoned him and one day it would be up to me to explain why. All the while in the back of my mind I thought…what in the world do I do now? As a parent you want to shower your child with love, patience, knowledge, happiness and encouragement. I want to laugh with him when he’s laughing, hold him when he cries, stand beside him clapping when he accomplishes something spectacular but also be there to encourage him when he makes mistakes.. I want to do all of the things that make a parent – a parent. So here I sat wondering…what do I possess that The Jerk is missing? What component in his brain or heart does he lack to where he could just leave his child? Is it really possible that he just doesn’t care? The idea is shocking, appalling, disgusting..but so very true for a growing population of “fathers” in the US. In fact according to the U.S. Consensus Bureau in 2007 22.6% of US children were living in a Single Mother household. (KEEP IN MIND I did not say that all of them had a Deadbeat Dad – honestly I couldn’t find statistics for that with the U.S. Consensus Bureau, but I’m still looking). Almost a quarter of all children in the US are missing a father in the home – now that’s just sad.

So what is it?
What are these men lacking that makes it OK for them to just create children and walk away? Is it just pure selfishness? Just an unrelenting desire to put themselves first even before their own flesh and blood? And why is that the feeling or missing component is generalized in the only the male parent in most cases? In my case this question was easily answered, yes, it was selfishness. He didn’t want to ‘waste‘ the time or money it took to care for a child. As for me, it was never a choice. I gave birth to my child, I gave him life; from that moment it was never a question of if I was going to care for him, it was only how? Yet for so many women, so many children that answer isn’t as easily answered. Perhaps it’s fear, the responsibility of caring for a child in all aspects is at times overwhelming. Not only is it a dominating factor in terms of time and energy but a major sacrifice when it comes to sleep, finances, and all around social life. The first thing you realize when becoming a parent is that this tiny little person has to come first, no matter what. Parenthood is a tremendous sacrifice. Whatever the reason for these Deadbeat Dads and Walk Away Joes is…what it comes down to is not the child support going unpaid, it’s not the boasting rights of who won the custody battle or whose fault it was that the marriage or relationship ended. It all comes down to the fact that the children left in the wake of this stress and turmoil are being damaged, in some cases beyond repair.

I’d like to say my son is better off without his father, but to say that is a contradiction in itself. In all reality, his father – his real biological father – really is a selfish, manipulative, spiteful abusive man that would only corrupt my sons life with his meanness and hatred. But that connection, that father son moment is something I can never replaced. Perhaps someday I’ll get married and that man will love Peanut and provide for him emotionally, financially and physically in all the ways that my son needs from a male role model. But..because of The Jerk and the things that he has done, my son will never be able to stand up at the front of his class and say “This is my Daddy, when I grow up I want to be just like him.” and I can never forgive him for that.

End thought: Thoughts from a Single Mother, “I know that while Daddy is a word he will inevitably learn someday..I know that it’s now up to me to define it.” -Anonymous

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I was bothered by something today (what a surprise) and now I’m going to tell you what it is because well I have the ability to do so. A fellow tweep (twitter friend if you don’t use Twitter…and btw why aren’t you on twitter I mean twitter rocks man!) Anyway…a fellow tweep was being attacked by the loser who found it necessary to say that she wasn’t a Single Mom because she was dating.

FIRST OF ALL, who the hell are you again??

SECONDLY, silly me I had no idea there was a Single Mom handbook with a set of guidelines on what makes you a single mom. In fact now that you’ve found it mr. @words_well_said (that’s right I’m busting out my twitter rage on my blog and no one can stop me) by all means PLEASE send me a copy. I’d be quite interested to read it. Heck in all my ignorance I thought being a single mom was supporting a child or children mentally, physically, emotionally and financially all by your lonesome. Gosh, how narrow minded of me.

THIRDLY (is that a word..probably not, but it should be so I’m using it anyway and writing it in my ‘Words that should be actual words’ notebook) pardon me but I thought that the only person that could judge others died on a cross…and uh he sure didn’t look like he had been crucified although I could be wrong..it’s happened before…once. Jackass…

I think what bothered me most of all (cause I’m sure that you are dying to know) is that he was a guy. Now, I’m not a man hater, I love men. Well not men, a man – I love a man, my man specifically.. alright dammit I’m getting off track. The point is I don’t hate all men just the majority and he (@words_well_said) is the reason why. Here he is just strollin around the twittersphere passing out his opinions as if Twitter were his personal blog space ( the nerve..) and attacking who else but someone he perceives as the weakest victim- Single Moms. Grr…mother bear is out and in full force!

Damn right I’m standing up to defend her (@mommy2jl)- granted I don’t know her personally but Single Moms stand up for one another. Just because you date and attempt to create a normal life environment for your child/children DOES NOT exclude you from the title of single parent. Same goes for Single Dads. Rock on for single parents trying to date – Dads and Moms alike. The fact that he @words_well_said (not being a parent as he admitted himself without coercion mind you) had the audacity to pass judgement over who could and could not be qualified as a “single mom” made me want to stand up in my office chair and scream. But I didn’t, instead I resorted to spewing my opinions here via my very own portal to the world.

I’ll digress with this…

End thought: I’m a single mother, but I’m also a woman. And opting to include a male companion in my life does not make me less of a Mom. Because as all single mothers know even the term itself is backwards…it should be Mother Single because we are always a mother first.

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I’m not much of a product endorser but I have a new find that I feel compelled to share about. While sitting at home painfully early one Sunday morning (thank you Peanut) I sat sipping my coffee watching my extremely basic cable; I live in BFE so there is no cable and satellite is too much for this Single Mom’s budget. The only thing on at this hour in the day is the ever enjoyable infomercials. *enter sarcastic hand clapping* I find myself flipping between the Perfect 10 something-or-other magic cooker that can cook an entire chicken from frozen to done in like 10 minutes (yeah ok I think I’ll pass on that modern wonder) and the InSytler Hair thingy that looks strikingly similar to something I saw on a throw back episode of star wars. Meanwhile my Peanut sits nearby making the motor boat sound and pushing his trucks around. Suddenly the Perfect 10-nuclear cooker gives way to the Shark Steam Mop® (uh huh I don’t want to get sued it’s a registered trademark).

Now let me go ahead and say that I like to clean, in fact I can go as far as to say I love to clean. I like exerting the energy, watching as my work pays off and being able to sit comfortably as my home smells like well…CLEAN~! (don’t make that face you know what I’m talking about). However, my least favorite chore in the entire world is to mop. I don’t have a problem with the chore itself, in fact I would mop every day if I felt like it did any good. My issue is the methods with which we have been provided in this day and age to clean our floors. No matter what I use (i.e. traditional mop, the swifter thing, chemicals, etc) I never feel like my floors are clean! Obviously this was a serious problem for me with an infant son, so my interest was peaked as I turned up the volume to hear about this wonder product known as the Steam Mop.

By the end of the first 15 minutes I look like an 18 year old boy who just walked out of his first gentleman’s club….a mop that cleaned with ONLY WATER – a mop that leaves the floors sanitary and dry within just minutes!?! Can it be?! (alright I confess I’m a neat freak..there I’ve said it and I feel better) ANYway so I dialed and fumbled through the 100 add-on prompts (no I don’t want it delivered express for only $15.00 dollars more) and ordered my 30 day trial of the Shark Steam Mop for only 4 easy payments of $24.95! On a side not I’d like to know why they say they are easy payments…personally it’s never been easy to let my money go but whatev…Within days it arrived…my father laughing heartily as I unpacked the little wonder said to me “So you paid over a hundred bucks for that little thing?! HA!” and I replied with “NO…I paid 4 easy payments of…yeah nevermind…”  Seeing it’s size I began to doubt myself as well and thought, ok relax…it’s a trial offer if it doesn’t work send it back….right?
Steam mop pad

So I filled it full of water, stuck the pad to the bottom, plugged it in and eagerly awaited the magic to happen. SURE ENOUGH the proof is in the pad folks! I have to say, that is probably the single greatest investment I’ve made since I bought my house. What my father originally referred to as a “glorified swifter-thingy” cleaned my entire kitchen almost effortlessly in less than 5 minutes! AND because it was just with super heated steam it cleaned and sanitized my floor and was dry and safe enough for my Peanut to toddle across in just minutes!! Now my puppy (ebony) can lick the floor as often as she likes with no fear of ingesting chemicals (yes she does that and no I do not know why). As for me I am now addicted to cleaning my kitchen and bathroom floors.  They are cleaned every day, which I figure may taper off once the initial amazement over the little gizmo wears off. Never the less, I am just thrilled over my new gadget!! Now what used to be my most hated chore is my favorite…now if only they could come up with a self cleaning shower…hm…the possibilities…. Oh yes, and I posted this picture reluctantly..I looked REAL rough but I had to show that the proof is in the pad!!

End thought: “Don’t judge a mop by it’s infomercial.” Inspirational I know.

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