Archive for July, 2009

Beach May 09 035I am a mother.  As fate would have it I have a 1 year old son from a man who is not a part of my sons life. I could be sad, and I have been. I could be angry but I’ve made peace with it. I could be judgmental and frustrated and overwhelmed…but instead I choose to feel blessed.

Before I was a mother there was so much I didn’t know about the world.  There were so many beautiful things that went unseen by my blinded eyes.  The moment that my son was born my life changed.  There are those who will say it’s not possible, those who will criticize me for having an occasional glass of wine because  ‘Mother’s shouldn’t drink’.  There are those who will chastise me for dating

4th of july 045because they don’t think I should have the time.  Surely there will be those who will say that my dreams of having a family in my future are absurd and I should be happy with where I am in life now.

None of that matters to me, because I am smart enough to have a sip of wine not a bottle of liquor. I have the intelligence to separate a one time thing from a genuine partner.  I feel confidant knowing that I dreamt of a family long before my son was born and will continue to seek that dream with caution for his sake.  Yes, there are always those who will criticize; but none can judge me, not truly judge me because that is only God’s place.

Here are some things I’ve learned as a mother:

*Friends will come and go like a summer storm, but your family is forever.pnut bday

*The sunrise is much more beautiful when you see it sober as you nurse your newborn.

*Having a child is not a right, it is a gift from God and should be treated accordingly.

*God never gives you more than you can handle, but be careful what you ask for.

*Rocking a sleepy baby till 2 in the morning beats dancing the night away at the best night club any day.

*Nothing lasts forever, including teething so patience is a must 🙂

*Bath time also doubles as a trip to the water park so bring your own towel.

*You can in fact survive on 3 hours of sleep and still function with a smile.

peanutbday*Spaghetti is a MUST when a toddler is learning how to eat because it’s just funny to watch them get MESSY

*TODDLERS WILL EAT CATERPILLARS if they find the opportunity no matter how fuzzy and yucky they look.

*A simple smile can warm your heart and take all pain away.

*Mommy’s arms always feel the safest and must be available at all times.

*It’s impossible not to laugh when you’re running late and about to walk out the door, only to find your toddler half naked and tangled in his Tshirt in his room.

Easter 2009 044*Brushing your teeth, sweeping the floor and doing laundry are always done better with help from your toddler.

*Being a single parent doesn’t mean you have to be alone.

*A mother always thinks about everything twice – once for herself and again for her child.

*Reading a story or dancing in the living room trumps housework.

*God never said being a mother would be easy, but he did say it would be worth it.

*Every stretch mark is like a war wound, they will forever tell the story of your greatest accomplishment so you should be proud.

*A ponytail and a track suit are a mother’s best friend on rainy days – high heels in the rain with a baby are not a good idea.

*When you go to bed realizing you didn’t turn the TV on all day – that is a good day.

I think what I’ve learned most of all is that nothing matters except my family.  My Son, my mother, my sisters, my father, my grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins are my life.  Welcoming my J and little B into that mix is just another momentous memory that I feel blessed and eager to add, but until that day – for right now I live for my son and for God.  To me, there is no greater purpose.

End Thought:  It’s not only children who grow.  Parents do too.  As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.  I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun.  All I can do is reach for it, myself. ” ~Joyce Maynard


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Learning to Trust


I look to God for guidance some cleansing for my soul.praying girl Pictures, Images and Photos

The only One I know can bring me peace when I feel I’ve lost control.

I don’t have the means to make these changes, I scream to Him above.

I’m scared of all the things before me, afraid to live afraid to love!

Watching as all my friendships fade while I’m left standing in the dark.

Wondering if this is how it should be or did I miss the mark?

I know I have to leave things behind but should it be this hard?

Must I shed these layers so quickly, let caution go and drop my guard?

I’m confused by so many things, crying up to the heavens with no reply.

Am I doing this the right way Lord, why won’t You tell me why?

Day to day I struggle – caught in between two lives.

Trying to let the old me fade while making sure my faith survives.

I turn to the word of God but do not understand his plan.

When will I get direction Lord, I need the calm of your hand?

Exhaustion stretches over me, the questions lingers, should I give up?

Can I continue with this battle or have I had enough?

I don’t know how to fight this, its unfamiliar ground.

The world is pushing down upon me threatening to surround.

How can I defeat these feelings? I’m too weak to fight alone!

Is this your intention Lord, must I fight this on my own?

Like an echo in the silence I receive his word.

So quiet and steady it almost can’t be heard.

A single word is uttered, and follow I know I must.

The single word that is my guide, all He says is Trust.

cross Pictures, Images and Photos

Trust in Me in times of weakness, I will be your guide.

Trust in Me in moments of fear, there is no need to hide.

Trust in Me when you are angry, I will bring you peace.

Trust in Me when overwhelmed, sanctity is your release.

Trust in Me in all you do, lean not on your own mind.

Just trust in Me and you’ll find peace….

but first you must leave the world behind.



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I felt surprised but all around blessed to be included in this event.  Recently my friend @singlemomma_cc graced me with the Honest Scrap Award (as described below) so it’s my turn to lay it all out there.  Since I did this already in my Who I Am page I’m challenging myself to write different things. So here goes….

“The Honest Scrap award is given by other bloggers who consider a blog’s content or design to be brilliant.  The awardee must then post ten honest things about themselves and pass the award on to other bloggers who fit the bill – in other words, whose blog is brilliant”



1. I have this weird anxiety filled fear of dying during the winter. I have no idea why.

2. I have 7 tattoos and want more – my family hates tattoos lol

3. My favorite past-time is Saturday mornings watching cartoons in the bed with Peanut. *love*

4. I have an obsession with cheese puffs.

5. I blame my Mom for not teaching me how to be a parent, and I’m scared I’ll be like her.

6. Sometimes I struggle with the whole self-esteem thing.

7. I worry that I won’t be a good enough parent for my Peanut.

8. In high school I was in band and debate – I was a total nerd.

9. I write songs and sing them in the shower when no one is home. hehe

10. I secretly wish I could quit my job and do missions for my church.

Ok so that was it, I feel a little better now 🙂 In following suit I am passing on my Honest Scrap award to the lovely  bloggers I know that haven’t already completed it:






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